Moving Forward

I spoke with Dr Jarrett's office earlier this week and a plan is now in place.  In the next few months we will begin the invetro process.  We are super excited/nervous to be doing this again.  We will be changing up a couple of medications this time around, as Dr Jarrett learned a few things from the last time.  The new process will require less shots, yeah! And I plan on taking additional time off for bed rest after the transfer. I don't want to do anything that will risk our eggs from not implanting.  I will also be doing acupuncture before hand, to help with the flow of things and to help with the stress.   Once again, all of our funding has fallen into place, which was a huge burden lifted.  This time around we have a better understanding of all that will take place, which help the nerves, but every night we pray that God will grant us a different outcome.

Being Thankful

I cannot express how excited I am for Thanksgiving.  The food is not what I'm excited about, its seeing my family again.  Holland will always be home to me and I'm a little homesick.  When we're home, we hope to soak in as much family and friend time as allowed. 

Thanksgiving is also a time to reflect on everything we are grateful for.  Sometimes I feel we are surrounded by so much negativity and this is a great time to think about all the wonderful things life has.  These are my "Thanksgivings" (in no particular order :))

*Family! Don't know where I would be without them.  My parents, Brett's parents, our sisters, my brother, my brother and sister in law, my Grandma, Brett's Grandpa, our Aunts and Uncles and all our cousins.  Your love and support mean the world to us!

*Friends:Young and old :) I am very grateful for our friends.  All of your support has been awesome! Thank you!

*Breslin: I don't think I know of any other dog with so much personality.  She brings so much joy into our lives.

*The Edwardsburg Eddies! Brett's job.  Even though this job moved us to South Bend, I'm grateful that Brett is in a place he loves.  He is doing what he loves and seems to be smiling more then not :)

*Dr Jarrett: Because its football season, I will give  you some of Dr Jarrett's stats.  He is the number 1 fertility specialist in the state of Indiana and ranked number 13 in the nation! I am so grateful to be in such great hands. 

*My Coworkers: I thank them for their love and support.  I thank them for covering me.  They have been completely understanding when I give short notices that I have to go to Indy or when I have to leave the office for 45 minutes for a doctor appt and blood work.  You girls are the best!

*Holland: The place I call home.

*MSU!! Even though they haven't given us a whole lot to Cheer about this season, I'm still grateful for them.  Nothing excites me more then being on campus and seeing the school spirit.  Some of our greatest memories are on MSU campus :)  I love going to any sport event and getting all my Spartan gear on.  GO GREEN!!

*Music: For those of you that know me well, know that I love to sing.  I love all types of music, from Christian to Eminem.  From Country to Broadway.  I love how it effects my emotions.  I can remember song lyrics better than remembering what I did yesterday.  I may not be the best singer out there, but I love it!

***and most importantly I'm thankful for, Brett: His constant love and encouragement are everything to me.  We have been through some tough times, but we have so many more fun times.  I cherish our car rides when we talk, laugh and even sing together. 

Trying Again

I had my appt with Dr Jarrett last week Friday.  He wasn't happy with the outcome, but was very happy with everything else.  He said that my numbers looked great and my egg count was awesome. He did confirm that I was pregnant and as to why the eggs didn't implant is obviously out of our control.  He said with great confidence that the IVF will work, if it was something that we wanted to try again.  Brett and I talked about and decided to give it one more chance.  Once we figure out how to fill our bank account again, we will go for it.  If I have learned anything through this process it is to never give up on something you think about every day.  I have to tell myself, "It will happen, one way or another, It will happen."

Thank You

 

I obviously have no idea who these are from, but I wanted to say Thank You! It means so much to me and Brett that we have so many people thinking and praying for us.  Thank You!

An End To My Silence

I'm still not ready to talk about it because its so fresh, but I can write or text.  If I see my phone ring, I cry.  I didn't want this blog to be so depressing, I was hoping that my silence would lead to a happy ending, but the journey continues.  Let me get you up to speed........

This is the very short and quick version.  Back in August Dr Jarrett called me himself and said that Brett's numbers didn't look good.  This was after the unsuccessful IUI.  He said because of this, our next step was IVF.  We were able to get the loan that we had originally applied for, and I started the medications for the IVF on 8-21-12 (our 8 year anniversary) and had ultrasounds at the beginning of September.  On 9-11-12 we had our egg retrieval.  I had 17 eggs, 12 of which were combined with the sperm and 8 of those fertilized! We were so excited! These are great numbers.  On 9-16-12 we went back down to Indy for embryo transfer.  They transferred two eggs and sent us home.  I was on strict bed rest for all of Sunday and Monday. On Monday, I got a phone call that the 6 embyos that we didnt use, were not developing and they were not able to freeze them like we had planned.  I had blood work on Wednesday 9-26-12, I needed my numbers to be higher than 50.  If the quantitative beta numbers are higher then 50, then we were pregnant.  My numbers came back at 59! This was great news! I was on such I high.  I had been waiting 5 years for those magical words "your pregnant".  I had to do blood work again on Friday 9-28-12 and make sure that those numbers were going up.  They should double within the next 48 hours after the fist draw.  I went to give blood on Friday with complete confidence.  I waited for my phone call back from Dr Jarrett's office with patience and ease.  I got my phone call......and my numbers dropped.  My beta numbers were at 48.  Not what I expected to hear.  I cried.  (I have to call Dr Jarrett's office back because I was given instructions and I didn't comprehend a word the nurse was telling me).  

I'm having a hard time understanding.  How can I be told I'm pregnant and two days later, I'm not.  I don't blame myself.  I know I did everything I could to protect my embryos.  I prayed so hard for them to attach but, it wasn't in the cards this time.  Although, I know it will be really hard to talk to Dr Jarrett, I'm anxious to hear what he has to say.  I want to know if there is an explanation for this, and what our next step will be.  I'm ready to keep moving.  Brett and I were meant to be parents. 

I am trying to stay hopeful, but Its tough.  At times I feel like my world has stopped, and I look around and everyone elses is still moving.  Sometimes I feel like I'm going to be ok, and then the phone rings and I'm a mess again.  As I know that this will take time, I want to be ok right now.  I'm sick of running into a wall, the same wall, time and time again.  Will it ever end!? 

A Little Bragging

School is almost back in session and I hate this time of year.  I have never really liked school and I feel for all those kids that have the same feeling.  I know that Brett is looking forward to having some structure in his day, but I will have to admit, I love having Brett home for the summer.  There is something about coming home and seeing him after work.  Maybe I have realized that when school is back in session, our lives get busier.  Not only does school start again, but so does soccer, and after school meetings, and parent teacher conferences and IEP's and the list goes on.  We just don't see each other as much.  

But the reason for all of this is because Brett is an incredible teacher, soccer coach and husband.  He puts his heart and sole into everything he does.  He takes what he does seriously, but has fun doing it too.   He is one amazing man and I feel that he doesn't get all the credit that he deserves.  So, with that, I will brag him up a little bit :)

This year he decided his classroom theme at the elementary school is transportation.  Brett chose to make all of his bulletin boards. 

This first one is "Blasting off to Math Stars" each kid will get a space ship with his or her name on it and as they achieve a goal, they will get to move their space ship through the stars.

Next is the "Writing Station"

These next two are reading goals.  The first one, the kids will get a plane that will "fly" across the room as they meet their individual goal and the other will have hot air balloons that will "float" up as they meet their goals. 

 

I am so incredibly proud of my husband.  He worked so hard on these.  Coming up with the idea and executing them with gusto.  He wanted to keep the kids involved in keeping of the data and also giving the kids a visual of exactly where they are at.  I couldn't be prouder of my husband.  Thank you for allowing me to brag about him for a little bit :) Good luck to all you teachers out there.  I hope you have a wonderful school year!

 

Good State of MInd

I've come a long way since the last post.  I apologize that it has taken me so long to write again.  It has taken me about this long to get to where I am now.   It took a few weeks for me to get out of the "poor me" and to become positive about life again.  I will never understand why Brett and I have been chosen to go through this, but these are the cards we were dealt and we are playing the best way we know how.  I have been able to be happy again.  I've been able to smile more and appreciate our little "family" as is.  If it weren't for Brett and Breslin, I honestly don't know where I would be. 

I want to say I'm Sorry for all the people who have gone through infertility or are going through it right now.  This isn't something that I would wish upon anyone.  I'm sorry because as I was going through the "poor me" and thinking "I was the only one", there are many of you who are fighting the same battle, or have been through it.  I want everyone to know that I am also there for you as you are for me.  Prayers go up for you each and every day! And as I think about my own battle, your war comes to my mind as well. 
             "And once the storm is over you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive.  You won't even be sure, in fact, whether the storm is over.  But one thing is certain.  When you come out of the storm you won't be the same person who walked in" ~Anonymous (If anyone needs anything, please know that I am here)

We are super excited about the future.  New plans are in place.  With our hiking sticks in hand, we are moving forward. 

5 Years and The Raw Emotion

Reader Disgretion is advised :)

At a very young age I've learned that life wasnt fair.  I've learned that bad things happen to good people no matter how hard they pray or believe.  I've learned that there are things that happen in life and we will never know why.

July marks our 5th YEAR of trying to pregnant.  5 years!!   Lord, what have I done, what havent I done, I just dont understand?!  Get me off this emotional roller coaster!  I have put on a brave face, an "I'm ok" face for so long, but I cant wear it for much longer.  This isnt ok, I am not ok.  Every month that goes by, is another month lost.  WHY!!!!????  I appologize to Brett that I'm not able to give him children.  I'm not able to give our parents Grandchildren.  As I watch friends and family get married, I cant help but think, whos going to get pregnant first, them or me?  Lord, will it ever be my turn?

I am currently on a rest cycle.  We will be taking a break this cycle.  No meds, no Hope to be lost.  We will wait till the end of July, or the next cycle to see what Dr Jarrett has in store for us.  For now, I will be pulling myself together and getting ready for next month.  I will be trying to get Hope and positivity back in my life. 

Update

So I've heard I left a lot of people high and dry.  Sorry 'bout that.  Our news in Indy wasn't exactly what we wanted to hear.  It took a few days to get over the news and to move on.  I had the ultrasound and found that I wasn't progressing as far as they thought I would.  Big surprise, I know.  My body just seems to do what it wants to do.  There were a couple of follicles, but they weren't very big.  They left me with instructions to increase my meds and have another ultrasound in South Bend on Tuesday June 12. 

Our trip to Indy wasn't completely wasted.  We were able to hang out with our very dear friend.  We went to the Children's Museum in Indy (it was 90 degrees and there was no way we were going to survive the zoo) and went out for a very good sushi dinner. 

                                                     Brett and I in the Lego exhibit

                                                 Brijan and Brett racing their coins

                                                This is me riding the nickle horse

I will keep the best news for last.  On Tuesday June 12, the ultrasound tech in South Bend didn't see much and thought I would be back to see her later in the week.  I got a call later that afternoon from Dr Jarrett's office stating he wanted me down in Indy on Thursday June 14 for an IUI!! I have no idea what he saw or what the tech didn't see, but an IUI is what we did.  Now we wait.  I wait like all the other normal women out there.  I am trying to stay positive, but realistic, if that makes any sense?  We are super excited and look forward to knowing what the future holds.  Now that your "in the know" :) we ask for prayers. 

I Lied

I lied, I'm super nervous. Not just the butterflies in my tummy nervous, but like, I could cry nervous. We are so close! Don't get me wrong, the excitement is still there, but the nerves are taking over! :) Please pray for safe travels, for Breslin to be a good girl while we are gone and that we get some good news! Thanks everyone!

It's Getting Closer

Saturday is almost here! I am so excited! I am more excited then nervous.  I am anxious to find out what we are going to do.  Will it be an IUI or IVF?  Either way, its a step in the right direction.   I had an incredible weekend, not only was it my birthday, but I found out we were approved for a loan for the IVF, if we need to go that route.  This was a huge weight that was taken off my shoulders and when I found out, I cried.  I was so nervous that we wouldn't be able to get all the money together in time, and everything seems to have fallin into place.  I started my meds this past Saturday and so far, I've felt great, another Blessing.   I called our very dear friend who lives in Indy and asked if she would be around this weekend so we could stay with her, and she will be! So we have a place to stay, another Blessing.  I also called our wonderful friends here in Indiana and asked if they could watch Breslin and they were also available, another Blessing.  

We are very greatful to everyone who is walking on this path with us.  If it weren't for your endless support, prayers and optimism, I don't know where I would be.  THANK YOU!!!  I know that Brett Thanks you as well, its not easy keeping me on the trek forward and it would be a very hard job if he had to do it on his own :)

Please pray for my appt on Saturday.  All that will take place is an ultrasound.  This ultrasound will determine which route we take.  I'm super excited!!!

So Proud

I know this is a little off subject, but I just couldn't hold it in.  I am one proud wife! Brett and I went to Edwardsburg High School Graduation on Sunday and I loved sitting with Brett and having him point out all of his students that graduated.  There were a couple of students that needed some extra help so they could graduate, and with Bretts help, we were able to watch them walk across the stage.  All of the hard work and dedication that Brett puts into his students, is truly inspiring.  I am very, very proud of him. 

Staying Postive

Its finally time to have a positive and uplifting post.   On June 2, I will be starting my fertility meds.  Although these meds make me feel like crap (sorry, that wasn't very positive), I'm very excited to find out what my body will do.   If my body does what the doctor wants it to do we will go with an IUI, if my body does what it did last time and produce 15 follicles then it will be IVF.   As this may not sound exciting to some, its exciting to us because either way, we could be pregnant in June!  Oops, I mean we WILL be pregnant in June!

Everyone that has been on this journey with us have said that this will be the last step.  That this time things are going to work.  I kept telling them that I wasn't going to let my mind go there.  That I needed to be somewhat pessimistic in case it doesn't work, but my attitude has changed.  I am going in this with a full blown positive attitude that this is going to work! (with a little bit of skepticism :))

We still don't know where the money will come from for the IVF, if we have to go that route, but I know that God will provide and with a positive attitude :) we will figure it out. 

I'm just super excited and cant wait for June to get here!  Thank you to EVERYONE for your love, prayers, support and listening ears.  We truly appreciate it!

God's Timing

This says it all.  It is so hard, but I do believe God has a plan and I know his timing will be perfect, but its hard....

My appt with Dr Jarrett went great!  Let me tell you, this guy doesn't mess around.   Dr Jarrett, Brett and I have chosen to try one more IUI.  Yes I already had two and yes neither one of them took, but we are going to try one more time.  I will be going back on birth control, I know that may sound funny and sounds like it defeats the purpose, but this will help the doctor know exactly where in my cycle I am.  I have to start the birth control on day one of my period, which could be any day now (TMI?? :))  I will call the office on day two to get further instructions.  If my ovaries do what the doctor wants to do, we will continue with the IUI, if not then we will abort the mission like last time and try IVF.  The IVF will hopefully take place in June. 

We are very excited, nervous and stressed.  These procedures are not covered by insurance.  Everything has to be payed out of pocket and up front.  The IUIs are affordable.  We hope,  pray and beg that this will work, because we can afford them, (kind of harsh, but I'm being honest).  As for the IVF, if it comes down to that,  we pray that we will be able to figure things out.  This procedure is thousands of dollars.  We want a child so badly.  We have dreamed of this our whole lives, but we have to be realistic as well.  We want to be able to have a child and provide for our child without being in MAJOR debt. 

We have so much love to give.   It comes down to God.  Will it be a child of our own, or is there a child out there that needs us more? 

Update

Sorry I haven't been around lately.  Its not that I have been busy, Its just that I don't have a whole lot going on.  On Friday May, 4 I will see Dr Jarrett again.  Hopefully he will have a new plan.  I am VERY excited to find out what that plan will be. 

I know that when I posts these blogs I use "I" a lot.  Brett is not one to express is thoughts or feelings on this subject (really what man does), but the other night we talked about it.  I obviously wear my heart on my sleeve and he doesn't feel the need to talk about it.  Brett wants a child as bad as I do.  He looks forward to being a father and wants to expand our family, but feels the need to be strong for me.  This whole process is not only hard on me, but it is for him too.  Brett states that he trys to keep busy.  He continues to play and coach soccer.  It helps keep his mind off of it and helps to release the anger and frustration.  (I'm beginning to think that maybe I have too much time on my hands :) J/K!)   It feels so good to know that I always have Brett to lean back on.  Its good to know that he has my back and he is 100% committed to this.  As my appointment approaches,  WE look forward to the next step in this journey. 

Strength

There are so many people that are starting to announce the pregnancy of their second child. This has not been easy. As we try to get pregnant with our first, others are on number two.  I feel like the strength that I had to get through, this is slowly depleting.  I need prayers. I need strength.

Spartans Win!!!

Last weekend we had such a blast down in Indy.  The past few years, Brett and I  talked about going down to Indy for the Big 10 Basketball Tournament.  It was a beautiful weekend and to top it all off, MSU are Big 10 Champs!!  Because of this win, MSU got a number one seed in the March Madness Bracket! I'm a little excited :)

We had beautiful weather and even better company.  We are so blessed to be surrounded by great and supportive friends and family. 

Quick update on me.  I am in great spirits! (I think the weather helps :))  I know that God had a plan for me and I have turned this over to Him.   I thought I was going to be off the Metformin this past week, but I will be on it till May 4.   This is when I will see Dr Jarrett again and we will come up with "Plan F".  I will admit, I think the Metformin is working.  My cycles used to be about 20-22 days and now they were 27 days last month and 29 days this past cycle! This is great progress for me.  I ask for prayers as we try like crazy these next couple of months.  I would love to see Dr Jarrett in May with great news and tell him we wont need him anymore :) 

I would also like to thank EVERYONE for their prayers and support.  YOU guys keep us going.  YOU guys give us hope when we feel like we have none.  Thank You to everyone for your facebook messages.  They mean the world to me! THANK YOU!!!! 

Moving Forward

My process now...I am currently and almost done with, taking a drug called Metformin.  The drug is actually used for people with diabeties, but what Dr Jarrett is hoping it will do is,  keep my surgar levels down, which will in turn keep my testosterone levels down and then hopefully my body will produce a full folicule.   He wanted me on this for three months and "try" within those three months, with the hopes that it would work.  My three months are up on March 12 :(  So, I  will meet with the doctor and figure out the next step. 

A girl who is also on this "Journey" sent me a poem last night that I wanted to share with everyone.  This poem left me full of tears.  Every thought and feeling, for anyone that has gone through this, or is currently going through it, is stated in this poem.

I dream about a child to come
A child to share our home
A home of toys, and swings, and games,
Of laughter, hugs, and love.

I dream of a baby's crib and toys
Bottles, diapers, and things
Strollers, walkers, a bassinet,
And lullabies to sing.

I dream of having a little child
Even the "terrible twos"
Teaching, guiding, and loving
Seeing what he or she can do.

I dream of sending a child to school
Being in Brownies or Scouts
To watch him learn and grow each day
Seeing what life is about.

I dream of Christmas morning
Presents around a tree
Singing, sharing, a precious time
Will it ever be?

I dream of summer vacations
Children crammed in a family car
Going camping, having picnics
Sleeping under the stars.

In my dream of motherhood
I do not now have a part
I pray my dream comes true in life
And not just in my heart.

Hope

Baby, I love you, though God has not given you to me;
I spend my whole life learning patience and that is now what I am trying to be.

I love you though we have not met, and though you are not yet real;
Somehow you are in every thought, and love is all I feel.

You're a dream I didn't know I had, a prayer I didn't know I would pray;
A song that I would sing to you, if only you would stay.

We want you in our life to share a love that is so strong;
And we will continue to wait for you-it does not matter how long.

We believe God's perfect plan so you will come when the time is right;
And though you are not real yet, you are already Mommy's delight.

I want to hold you in my arms and teach you to be great;
 I want you to be our legacy, our destiny, our fate.

Your daddy and I love you and we cant wait for the day;
When we can kiss you gently and you will not go away.

We have a wonderful marriage, maybe this hardship is our test;
But holding hands together, we continue to pray for the best.

That you will grace our lives with greatness and make us a family;
So the love that is too much for two can soon be shared by three.
                                                                  -By: Kristine Ireland Waits-

Continuation

Sorry that I left you in such suspense :) I was going to say that my weeks have been very busy, but that's a lame excuse.  I was just flat out lazy these past few weeks, with an exception of this past week.   This past week has been a difficult week with the passing of Brett's Grandmother unexpectedly.  

I couldn't help but think on how much I would have loved to give Grandma another Great Grandchild.  She currently has one and I know she was hoping for more.  While I know this is out of my hands, it still makes me sad that I wasn't able to give that gift to her.  I know how much she enjoyed her Grandchildren and how important family was to her.  I just wish we could have had a little more time.  

Time is such a difficult thing when you are trying to get pregnant.  Every month that goes by, is another month that it didn't work.   You have to wait another month and see what happens.  Before you know it, I'm another year older.   I couldn't help but think, are my eggs still good, do I still have eggs, and how long is it going to be before I can have a child?    

When I came down to South Bend, I had no idea that God was leading me to two awesome doctors.  I went to see Dr Shaw for my annual check up.  I spoke to him about my difficulties and we were able to set up a game plan.  I had a laparoscopy last March.  We found that I had a little endometriosis, which he burned off, and I also had a large cyst on my fallopian tube, which was removed.  Blood work also showed that my thyroid was off,  so I am on medication for that.  I was told to "try" for six months, if nothing happened, then see a specialist.   As we all know, nothing happened and God placed me in the hands of Dr Jarrett. 

Brett and I met with Dr Jarrett in October.  Together we came up with a plan of action.  I was to go back on birth control for one month.  What he wanted was all the hormones from the birth control to be in my system.  He also wanted to be sure that I had a full 28 day cycle.  On the next cycle (day one is the first day of your period) day 6-8 I had a pill to take.  On day 8-10 I had a shot that I gave myself in the stomach (Its not as bad as it sounds).   On day 12 I was to have an ultrasound and see how large my follicles were. 

Leading up to this ultrasound I was super excited.  I felt great and was pretty confident that I was going to have my first IUI with Dr Jarrett.  I drove down to Indy for my ultrasound the week of Thanksgiving and found only one follicle that was measuring about 6mm.   (We want 3-5 follicles measuring at about 15mm).  I was there for about 20 minutes and sent on my way very disappointed.  I got a phone call later that day that we were going to increase the dosage on my shot and have another ultrasound the following week.  The next week I went in for the ultrasound and found that I had 16 follicles and they were measuring about 12mm! I was sooo excited! I thought Dr Jarrett would be also be excited about this.  I had never had that many follicles, and the size was great too.  What I found out was, that this was way too many.  Dr Jarrett didn't want me to become the next OctoMom :)  He wasn't about to put me in danger or babies in danger.  I had yet again take anther pill for 10 days to get rid of the follicles.  I was very disappointed and felt we were back to square one.   I went to see Dr Jarrett with tears in my eyes, and listened to the next plan of action. 

I was once again waiting.  Thinking again, how much time do I have.  How long is this going to take.  Praying to God for patience.  Wondering if it will ever happen.  Wondering if I can handle yet another person announcing her pregnancy, looking at another baby shower invitation and wondering if it will ever be me? 

Seeing a Specialist

Since the last post I feel I am finally in a good place. I was able to tell the world (or maybe a few of you that actually read this) my burden.  I have chosen to be happy with where I am at.  I have accepted the fact that having a child might not happen tomorrow, but it will happen.   The Journey continues....

After about a year or two (cant remember) of trying I realized that we might need some "assistance".  I talked with my OB/GYN in Holland and he suggested I go on Clomid (a drug to induce ovulation) because at the time, he didn't think I was ovulating, and also suggested I go to the Fertility Group in Grand Rapids.  I was so excited about being on Clomid because I thought, "this is it.  This is going to do the trick."  I tried the drug for a few months with no success and horrible side effects.   So, off to the Fertility Group I go.  I met with the doctor and we came up with a game plan.  I was going to continue using Clomid, we were going to do three IUIs (Intrauterine insemination (IUI) is a procedure that involves placing sperm inside a woman's uterus to facilitate fertilization) and if that didn't work then, in vitro (IVF).  So we tried it.  I had to take the clomid, when it was about time for ovulation, I had to go for an ultrasound so see how many folicles (sacks that hold the eggs) I had and how large they were.  Once the folicles were close to releasing the egg it was time to do the IUI.   Brett and I went in for our first IUI .  We were so excited thinking this would work.  We did the IUIs twice, with no success, and decided to take a break.

In the midst of all this we found out that Brett lost his job with Wyoming Public Schools.  He was able to get a new job at Edwardsburg Public Schools.  We had to sell our home and I had to find a new job.  This whole process took about two years, but in a nut shell thats what led us to South Bend Indiana and led us to the most amazing doctors.....

The Beginning

So I thought I would add a post once per day, but since I decided to do this, I cant help myself, I want to talk! (I know some of you are shocked) :)  I have always been a talker not a writer, so bare with me. 

The Beginning.....
At the time Brett and I had been married for about three years.  We were very happy and had just moved into our first house.  I had a job that I absolutely loved (shout out to Zeeland Family Dentistry) and Brett was three years into teaching.  We thought it would be a great time to add to our family, (more than our beautiful puppy Breslin).  It is such a big decision to think about adding a child into this world.  You think, is it the right time, do we have enough money, will we be good parents, is the house we're living in in a good neighborhood, is this a good school system to be in.....the questions go on and on in your head, but the more I talked to people, then more they say your never going to be truly ready.  If you think your ready, go for it! So, we went for it....and went for it......and four years later still trying to go for it. 

This is my Journey, my personal roller coaster.  I will take you through the past few years, the specialists, the medication and the heartache of longing for a child.  Like I have said before, this is not to feel sorry for me.  This is a helpful and healthy tool for me to use to get things out. To maybe help someone else who is going through the same thing and maybe for someone who has been through it, to reach out to me.  This is also a way for me to keep people informed of what is going on, because until you reach your final goal, there is always something new to add to the Journey.

A new Approach

I have decided to write about a journey I have been on.  I have been on this journey for about four years.  I feel that it is time to tell my story.  This story is not for people to feel sorry for me, but it may be a way to reach out to others who are also struggling, or have been down the same path and can relate.  This blog is a way for me to get my feelings out.  I believe it is time.