This is the very short and quick version. Back in August Dr Jarrett called me himself and said that Brett's numbers didn't look good. This was after the unsuccessful IUI. He said because of this, our next step was IVF. We were able to get the loan that we had originally applied for, and I started the medications for the IVF on 8-21-12 (our 8 year anniversary) and had ultrasounds at the beginning of September. On 9-11-12 we had our egg retrieval. I had 17 eggs, 12 of which were combined with the sperm and 8 of those fertilized! We were so excited! These are great numbers. On 9-16-12 we went back down to Indy for embryo transfer. They transferred two eggs and sent us home. I was on strict bed rest for all of Sunday and Monday. On Monday, I got a phone call that the 6 embyos that we didnt use, were not developing and they were not able to freeze them like we had planned. I had blood work on Wednesday 9-26-12, I needed my numbers to be higher than 50. If the quantitative beta numbers are higher then 50, then we were pregnant. My numbers came back at 59! This was great news! I was on such I high. I had been waiting 5 years for those magical words "your pregnant". I had to do blood work again on Friday 9-28-12 and make sure that those numbers were going up. They should double within the next 48 hours after the fist draw. I went to give blood on Friday with complete confidence. I waited for my phone call back from Dr Jarrett's office with patience and ease. I got my phone call......and my numbers dropped. My beta numbers were at 48. Not what I expected to hear. I cried. (I have to call Dr Jarrett's office back because I was given instructions and I didn't comprehend a word the nurse was telling me).
I'm having a hard time understanding. How can I be told I'm pregnant and two days later, I'm not. I don't blame myself. I know I did everything I could to protect my embryos. I prayed so hard for them to attach but, it wasn't in the cards this time. Although, I know it will be really hard to talk to Dr Jarrett, I'm anxious to hear what he has to say. I want to know if there is an explanation for this, and what our next step will be. I'm ready to keep moving. Brett and I were meant to be parents.
I am trying to stay hopeful, but Its tough. At times I feel like my world has stopped, and I look around and everyone elses is still moving. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to be ok, and then the phone rings and I'm a mess again. As I know that this will take time, I want to be ok right now. I'm sick of running into a wall, the same wall, time and time again. Will it ever end!?
Oh Megan, I am so sorry. My heart just aches for you both. I cannot imagine the range of joy and despair you must have experienced. Words seem so inadequate right now, but please know that I am praying for you...I know, know, KNOW that you will be a nurturing mother. Much love,
ReplyDeleteMegan---your journey reminds me of a dear friend. She went through all the infertility treatments (like yourself) and had MANY depressing moments for a number of years. Several years ago, she & her husband adopted a little boy from Guatemala. Then a year later they adopted a little girl. A year ago (out of the blue!) she became pregnant with a little girl and now is pregnant again with a boy!! Saying all that to say this: Don't give up!! God's timing is not our timing yet His plan is perfect. You will be a great mama and there is a special baby waiting for you. :)
ReplyDelete