Update

Sorry I haven't been around lately.  Its not that I have been busy, Its just that I don't have a whole lot going on.  On Friday May, 4 I will see Dr Jarrett again.  Hopefully he will have a new plan.  I am VERY excited to find out what that plan will be. 

I know that when I posts these blogs I use "I" a lot.  Brett is not one to express is thoughts or feelings on this subject (really what man does), but the other night we talked about it.  I obviously wear my heart on my sleeve and he doesn't feel the need to talk about it.  Brett wants a child as bad as I do.  He looks forward to being a father and wants to expand our family, but feels the need to be strong for me.  This whole process is not only hard on me, but it is for him too.  Brett states that he trys to keep busy.  He continues to play and coach soccer.  It helps keep his mind off of it and helps to release the anger and frustration.  (I'm beginning to think that maybe I have too much time on my hands :) J/K!)   It feels so good to know that I always have Brett to lean back on.  Its good to know that he has my back and he is 100% committed to this.  As my appointment approaches,  WE look forward to the next step in this journey. 

Strength

There are so many people that are starting to announce the pregnancy of their second child. This has not been easy. As we try to get pregnant with our first, others are on number two.  I feel like the strength that I had to get through, this is slowly depleting.  I need prayers. I need strength.

Spartans Win!!!

Last weekend we had such a blast down in Indy.  The past few years, Brett and I  talked about going down to Indy for the Big 10 Basketball Tournament.  It was a beautiful weekend and to top it all off, MSU are Big 10 Champs!!  Because of this win, MSU got a number one seed in the March Madness Bracket! I'm a little excited :)

We had beautiful weather and even better company.  We are so blessed to be surrounded by great and supportive friends and family. 

Quick update on me.  I am in great spirits! (I think the weather helps :))  I know that God had a plan for me and I have turned this over to Him.   I thought I was going to be off the Metformin this past week, but I will be on it till May 4.   This is when I will see Dr Jarrett again and we will come up with "Plan F".  I will admit, I think the Metformin is working.  My cycles used to be about 20-22 days and now they were 27 days last month and 29 days this past cycle! This is great progress for me.  I ask for prayers as we try like crazy these next couple of months.  I would love to see Dr Jarrett in May with great news and tell him we wont need him anymore :) 

I would also like to thank EVERYONE for their prayers and support.  YOU guys keep us going.  YOU guys give us hope when we feel like we have none.  Thank You to everyone for your facebook messages.  They mean the world to me! THANK YOU!!!! 

Moving Forward

My process now...I am currently and almost done with, taking a drug called Metformin.  The drug is actually used for people with diabeties, but what Dr Jarrett is hoping it will do is,  keep my surgar levels down, which will in turn keep my testosterone levels down and then hopefully my body will produce a full folicule.   He wanted me on this for three months and "try" within those three months, with the hopes that it would work.  My three months are up on March 12 :(  So, I  will meet with the doctor and figure out the next step. 

A girl who is also on this "Journey" sent me a poem last night that I wanted to share with everyone.  This poem left me full of tears.  Every thought and feeling, for anyone that has gone through this, or is currently going through it, is stated in this poem.

I dream about a child to come
A child to share our home
A home of toys, and swings, and games,
Of laughter, hugs, and love.

I dream of a baby's crib and toys
Bottles, diapers, and things
Strollers, walkers, a bassinet,
And lullabies to sing.

I dream of having a little child
Even the "terrible twos"
Teaching, guiding, and loving
Seeing what he or she can do.

I dream of sending a child to school
Being in Brownies or Scouts
To watch him learn and grow each day
Seeing what life is about.

I dream of Christmas morning
Presents around a tree
Singing, sharing, a precious time
Will it ever be?

I dream of summer vacations
Children crammed in a family car
Going camping, having picnics
Sleeping under the stars.

In my dream of motherhood
I do not now have a part
I pray my dream comes true in life
And not just in my heart.

Hope

Baby, I love you, though God has not given you to me;
I spend my whole life learning patience and that is now what I am trying to be.

I love you though we have not met, and though you are not yet real;
Somehow you are in every thought, and love is all I feel.

You're a dream I didn't know I had, a prayer I didn't know I would pray;
A song that I would sing to you, if only you would stay.

We want you in our life to share a love that is so strong;
And we will continue to wait for you-it does not matter how long.

We believe God's perfect plan so you will come when the time is right;
And though you are not real yet, you are already Mommy's delight.

I want to hold you in my arms and teach you to be great;
 I want you to be our legacy, our destiny, our fate.

Your daddy and I love you and we cant wait for the day;
When we can kiss you gently and you will not go away.

We have a wonderful marriage, maybe this hardship is our test;
But holding hands together, we continue to pray for the best.

That you will grace our lives with greatness and make us a family;
So the love that is too much for two can soon be shared by three.
                                                                  -By: Kristine Ireland Waits-

Continuation

Sorry that I left you in such suspense :) I was going to say that my weeks have been very busy, but that's a lame excuse.  I was just flat out lazy these past few weeks, with an exception of this past week.   This past week has been a difficult week with the passing of Brett's Grandmother unexpectedly.  

I couldn't help but think on how much I would have loved to give Grandma another Great Grandchild.  She currently has one and I know she was hoping for more.  While I know this is out of my hands, it still makes me sad that I wasn't able to give that gift to her.  I know how much she enjoyed her Grandchildren and how important family was to her.  I just wish we could have had a little more time.  

Time is such a difficult thing when you are trying to get pregnant.  Every month that goes by, is another month that it didn't work.   You have to wait another month and see what happens.  Before you know it, I'm another year older.   I couldn't help but think, are my eggs still good, do I still have eggs, and how long is it going to be before I can have a child?    

When I came down to South Bend, I had no idea that God was leading me to two awesome doctors.  I went to see Dr Shaw for my annual check up.  I spoke to him about my difficulties and we were able to set up a game plan.  I had a laparoscopy last March.  We found that I had a little endometriosis, which he burned off, and I also had a large cyst on my fallopian tube, which was removed.  Blood work also showed that my thyroid was off,  so I am on medication for that.  I was told to "try" for six months, if nothing happened, then see a specialist.   As we all know, nothing happened and God placed me in the hands of Dr Jarrett. 

Brett and I met with Dr Jarrett in October.  Together we came up with a plan of action.  I was to go back on birth control for one month.  What he wanted was all the hormones from the birth control to be in my system.  He also wanted to be sure that I had a full 28 day cycle.  On the next cycle (day one is the first day of your period) day 6-8 I had a pill to take.  On day 8-10 I had a shot that I gave myself in the stomach (Its not as bad as it sounds).   On day 12 I was to have an ultrasound and see how large my follicles were. 

Leading up to this ultrasound I was super excited.  I felt great and was pretty confident that I was going to have my first IUI with Dr Jarrett.  I drove down to Indy for my ultrasound the week of Thanksgiving and found only one follicle that was measuring about 6mm.   (We want 3-5 follicles measuring at about 15mm).  I was there for about 20 minutes and sent on my way very disappointed.  I got a phone call later that day that we were going to increase the dosage on my shot and have another ultrasound the following week.  The next week I went in for the ultrasound and found that I had 16 follicles and they were measuring about 12mm! I was sooo excited! I thought Dr Jarrett would be also be excited about this.  I had never had that many follicles, and the size was great too.  What I found out was, that this was way too many.  Dr Jarrett didn't want me to become the next OctoMom :)  He wasn't about to put me in danger or babies in danger.  I had yet again take anther pill for 10 days to get rid of the follicles.  I was very disappointed and felt we were back to square one.   I went to see Dr Jarrett with tears in my eyes, and listened to the next plan of action. 

I was once again waiting.  Thinking again, how much time do I have.  How long is this going to take.  Praying to God for patience.  Wondering if it will ever happen.  Wondering if I can handle yet another person announcing her pregnancy, looking at another baby shower invitation and wondering if it will ever be me? 

Seeing a Specialist

Since the last post I feel I am finally in a good place. I was able to tell the world (or maybe a few of you that actually read this) my burden.  I have chosen to be happy with where I am at.  I have accepted the fact that having a child might not happen tomorrow, but it will happen.   The Journey continues....

After about a year or two (cant remember) of trying I realized that we might need some "assistance".  I talked with my OB/GYN in Holland and he suggested I go on Clomid (a drug to induce ovulation) because at the time, he didn't think I was ovulating, and also suggested I go to the Fertility Group in Grand Rapids.  I was so excited about being on Clomid because I thought, "this is it.  This is going to do the trick."  I tried the drug for a few months with no success and horrible side effects.   So, off to the Fertility Group I go.  I met with the doctor and we came up with a game plan.  I was going to continue using Clomid, we were going to do three IUIs (Intrauterine insemination (IUI) is a procedure that involves placing sperm inside a woman's uterus to facilitate fertilization) and if that didn't work then, in vitro (IVF).  So we tried it.  I had to take the clomid, when it was about time for ovulation, I had to go for an ultrasound so see how many folicles (sacks that hold the eggs) I had and how large they were.  Once the folicles were close to releasing the egg it was time to do the IUI.   Brett and I went in for our first IUI .  We were so excited thinking this would work.  We did the IUIs twice, with no success, and decided to take a break.

In the midst of all this we found out that Brett lost his job with Wyoming Public Schools.  He was able to get a new job at Edwardsburg Public Schools.  We had to sell our home and I had to find a new job.  This whole process took about two years, but in a nut shell thats what led us to South Bend Indiana and led us to the most amazing doctors.....

The Beginning

So I thought I would add a post once per day, but since I decided to do this, I cant help myself, I want to talk! (I know some of you are shocked) :)  I have always been a talker not a writer, so bare with me. 

The Beginning.....
At the time Brett and I had been married for about three years.  We were very happy and had just moved into our first house.  I had a job that I absolutely loved (shout out to Zeeland Family Dentistry) and Brett was three years into teaching.  We thought it would be a great time to add to our family, (more than our beautiful puppy Breslin).  It is such a big decision to think about adding a child into this world.  You think, is it the right time, do we have enough money, will we be good parents, is the house we're living in in a good neighborhood, is this a good school system to be in.....the questions go on and on in your head, but the more I talked to people, then more they say your never going to be truly ready.  If you think your ready, go for it! So, we went for it....and went for it......and four years later still trying to go for it. 

This is my Journey, my personal roller coaster.  I will take you through the past few years, the specialists, the medication and the heartache of longing for a child.  Like I have said before, this is not to feel sorry for me.  This is a helpful and healthy tool for me to use to get things out. To maybe help someone else who is going through the same thing and maybe for someone who has been through it, to reach out to me.  This is also a way for me to keep people informed of what is going on, because until you reach your final goal, there is always something new to add to the Journey.

A new Approach

I have decided to write about a journey I have been on.  I have been on this journey for about four years.  I feel that it is time to tell my story.  This story is not for people to feel sorry for me, but it may be a way to reach out to others who are also struggling, or have been down the same path and can relate.  This blog is a way for me to get my feelings out.  I believe it is time. 

Another Product, Another Sunday

Brett told me today the one thing I had to get done was update the blog. I'm not much of a writer, but will do my best.   We just got home from having a great weekend in Holland. We were in town helping Brett's parents move into their new condo.   Holland will forever be home to me and its always hard for me to leave the place I feel most comfortable.  

The product that I am excited to share about is Pomegranate Green Tea.  The couple that is mentoring us in our business brought this down for us to try about a month ago and no joke I think I have had one everyday since then.  There are zero calories and zero sugar! I am not much for one to drink or eat sugar free stuff, but this tea doesn't have that yucky after taste that a lot of sugar free products might have.  The tea is in an individual bottle so its easy to grab one as your running out the door.  Let me know if your interested in trying this product!

Just a lazy Sunday

          Yesterday we spent the evening in West Michigan. We started the day with a memorial service for Aunt Sue's dad. We then went with Kendra to Uccello's to watch the State game. Our final event of the day was a seminar with Rex Renfrow. It was exciting to see an almost 80 year old man so passionate about a business we just started. We decided to use part of this blog to let you know about some of the products we have tried from the business.
          Today's product is Glister. Glister is a whitening toothpaste that I have been using the past few weeks. I can feel the tingle every morning, so I assume it must be working. It is different than the other toothpastes I have used in the past because I can feel it working. For less than $4 a tube, it is also a great value.  Check it out at :

http://www.amway.com/harring/Shop/Product/Product.aspx/GLISTER--Multi-action-Fluoride-Toothpaste?itemno=E9530

          Our business in online and we are excited about the products we are selling. Please check us out at:

http://www.amway.com/harring